Fourteen years.
It seems like yesterday.
And it also feels like forever.
Words don’t really describe it. A date only marks it.
This is just a day—one day—when our world shattered into a million pieces.
Some people mark this day with rituals.
Some dread it.
Some want to do something special to remember their loved one.
For me, it’s always just been a day.
Because every day is a challenge—not just this one.
This day is only a marker of when it happened.
I remember the morning.
I remember the moment I knew he was gone.
And I remember the moment God and D told me I couldn’t go too.
That moment—leaving him, knowing I couldn’t follow—was the hardest decision of my life.
But it was also the best one.
Because our boys couldn’t lose us both.
We all went through the why, the what ifs, the anger, the sadness, the depression.
The emotional, mental, and physical pain that makes you want to give up.
But I couldn’t.
I had to fight to survive—literally.
Because my number one concern was our two young boys, who lost more than any of us.
We had the memories.
We knew D as the wonderful man he was.
But they didn’t get that chance.
They lost the opportunity to know him as adults.
And I knew that would be a lifelong struggle.
So what does it look like, 14 years later?
Some days, I still don’t know.
I just get up and put one foot in front of the other.
On the hard days, that’s all I can do.
Most days, we make the best of the life we’ve been given—the life D was taken from far too soon.
In these years, we’ve found a new kind of happiness.
It’s never the same after loss.
But in a way, it’s more sacred—because we know the depth of pain, and we’ve chosen to keep going.
I was lucky.
God placed a wonderful man in our lives—someone who helped us heal, who showed us love again.
It wasn’t easy.
The guilt. The fear. The confusion of holding space for someone new while still grieving someone who shaped your past.
It’s a dance between two worlds—one no one prepares you for.
Somewhere between the ache of missing him and the courage it takes to keep going,
I found a new version of myself.
One who didn’t ask for this, but still rises with heart.
Still hopes. Still builds a life he’d be proud of.
We’re all still walking this road of loss.
Grief isn’t just missing them.
It’s learning who you are without them.
Some days I did it right.
Some days I stumbled through.
And I still do—because there’s no manual for this.
But today, I choose to remember the good.
The memories. The love.
The moments that move us forward and help us heal.
Grief is forever.
But so is love.