It has alreday been a long week and it's only Tuesday. Poor Ethan has been very sick so I've been home with him. Hate seeing my boys so sick but he seems to be on the up side. But it was two long nights of little sleep while he was running a 104.6 fever. The first night at 4am I was not good, he was shaking, fever 104.6 and I couldn't decide what to do and it was all up to me to decide. So I decided to breathe and know that I just needed to give it time since he was still drinking. But laying there it just made it all so much more reality, these two boys are Derek's and mine, nobody else. Of course their grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends love them dearly but when it comes to the mom and dad decisions, it is now all mom decisions. Nobody else has that connection to them then me, all me, it was always suppose to be Derek and me doing this together, that was the plan and that was how it was suppose to be. But I am learning that now it's me for my boys. It was a very hard reality to look at in that way, just weird the different ways things will shake you some days.
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