I sit and look at Derek's picture and wonder why he couldn't be a part of my future, we had plans and life seemed so good and then it was gone in a blink of an eye. I hold back the tears a lot of times but sometimes they stream down my face without control. Asking God why he took Derek from the boys and my life. The pain is undescribable for anyone to understand. I still need him here, he always made everything so clear when I couldn't figure it out. He was apart of me, and a piece of m,e died with him that day that I will never get back. I never knew how hard it was to loose someone you love until the day Derek went to heaven. I mean I had lost grandparents and I knew others that lost family members but never someone so close and a part of me. It does something to you that I can't even explain. Even though I can't see him, I know Derek is watching over us. We miss him everyday and cherish the memories that we have. We just pray and trust God that life will be good until we see him again.
I have came to the reality that there are a lot of things in this world that we will never understand no matter how much we want to. I see friends struggle, kids struggle and life be so hard on people. I always say that someone else always has it worse off then I do so try to stay strong but I know that is hard when we get knocked down. But you have to be on your knees and just pray for peace because you will never be able to understand. I wish I had the answers to a lot of things these days but I don't and staying stuck in asking those questions will do just that, keep you stuck. You have to realize that there are some things we will never know until we stand in front of God and get to ask. I tease that Derek is still asking his list of questions, I can see him now standing there with that look on his face when he is really serious and taking it all in.
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