Monday, April 23, 2012

Today I'm tired, things just are too much some days and I just don't want to do it anymore. But unfortunately I don't get a decision to stop anymore. I was put into this world of being a Widow (not a word I use ever) and now I have to keep going for my boys. It is a daily roller coater of ups and downs, and struggle to not just go through the motions. I have really been trying to do some things for myself and that has helped a lot, I've found myself smiling some and even some laughing thanks to the special people GOD has put into my life. You can never understand my world unless you've been there and that is hard for some people to get but it is nothing I would wish on anyone yet I keep meeting people daily that are in this new life we were given without getting to decide. There is daily sadness and still some anger towards many things and why this had to happen. But I am pushing forward and trying to find the boys and I some happiness because as we learned the hard way Life is too short and we have to live no matter how painful it is without Derek in it. We will live a good and happy life!!! I will never understand why any of this happened but I will never give up for my boys, Derek and me.