Just this morning while thinking about things I got teary eyed. I was telling a friend that I never use to really worry about things, at least major things because I had the man I loved and two amazing children and I just knew that we could handle anything that was put our way together. I never imagined that we wouldn't be together or that we would lose what we did. Even sitting here typing this is doesn't seem possible when I think back. I mean we knew bad things happened, we saw it on the news, we had a few little things happen close to us. I use to say that our families had been lucky, even with dad's accident, Rhonda's Cancer and the little stuff our family was lucky. Who could have imagined that it could shatter in a second, not me!!! But it did and I still can't believe it most days and I can't believe when I look back that we are where we are, it is a different world, with different feelings, events and future. Different dreams and different worries and pains, physically and emotionally. But it is our life and we will live it with the help of family, friends and God.
Been very overwhelmed lately and I know that I have to refocus, I hit this point every once in a while. I think there is no way to not get there when you are in this situation. Not only is it the grief and healing you have to go through every day, it's the day in and day out of making sure that our two boys have the best life they can. It is a lot and it is all on me, I mean I have friends and family that call all the time and ask to help and do things, and I take them up on it when I can because I know that I need to but at the end of the day when I lay my head down at night, I know that it is all up to me, nobody else. I am these two boys world and life. Yes we have so many wonderful people in our life but we lean on each other and make each other stronger. I couldn't do it without the wonderful people in my life, from neighbors helping with sports and practices, neighbors fixing busted pipes, mom running the boys to the doctor or picking them up on a night that she knows I need just an hour to breathe, she will go two hours out of her way to give me one hour to breathe or to do the grocery in peace, she amazes me. It amazes me the people that aren't even real family that still step up in our life because they know we have a lot to do and I have a lot to deal with and they just want to help and know that is what they can do for Derek now. From fixing things at the house, to helping open and close the pool. It's all the little things that help me keep it together. I need to stop and appreciate that more I know.
I know I am all over the board on my writing today, but that is how my mind has been lately. I have so much bouncing around in there that it is crazy. Good, bad and busy things. Don't know how you ever slow it down. But I've learned that you take one thing at a time and you take a breath!!! And that is how I started my morning today and it is going better.
No comments:
Post a Comment