One Year Later....
I was sitting on the back porch this morning listening to the wind blowing and the sound of your windchimes, and just felt numb. I woke up feeling numb and not knowing how to feel or what to expect from the day. Should I feel different then I do any other day, do I miss you any more today then I have every day the past year. It still hurts today just like every day when you are gone from our life but like every day I get up and I face the world for You, our boys and myself. It was just me this morning sitting there, I have had a lot of time to think about life lately, how nothing is ever as it seems, how fragile it is, and how fast time passes us by.
It has been one year today since you left us. I still at times can't believe it is forever, I still can't believe even with flashback what happen on that dreadful day. The raw pain I felt I can still feel, the sounds of the ambulance as I laid there hoping it was all a bad dream.
Today and everyday I will never understand why but I know I will never get those answers so I decided to stop asking because it didn't help me start healing or living. It just made me angry and I can't be an angry person for our boys.
The day went okay, it had it's ups and downs. We stayed at the farm last night and started the day with noodling and got two catfish, boys smiling the entire time to show their friends how to do it. Then a wonderful visit and lunch with Dr T. and friends, had to see him today. He was your closest friend after all you shared the past year and he misses your friendship so much. But it was a good lunch and they all love our boys so much. Then off to the cemetery and crash site for a short visit. We finished the day with a lot of laughs and smiles in the pool. Some water basketball and volleyball for a few hours, it was fun and you were missed a lot.
What amazed me the most today is the 40 plus text that I received from so many wonderful family and friends. The amazing facebook post from all the wonderful people that you touched with your life. It was overwhelming babe. I didn't have to send one text today because all the people that loved us sent so many words of encourgement because they knew I wouldn't be able to get words out. The people in this world that love you and us, the people that you touched with your amazing personality. You were an amazing man and nobody will ever forget that. Thanks to everyone for all the wonderful words and text today, I was amazed with the amount of them and it was what we needed today. I am sorry I didn't get to answer everyone but I had a hard time with words today and still am. I don't know what you say on a day like today. But just knowing that so many people are thinking about us and praying for us is what keeps us going.
Well said. We love him and miss him so much. Love you lots. You are still in our prayers!
ReplyDeleteThinking and praying for you and your boys today.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post. I have thought and prayed for you and the boys for the last week wondering how today was going to go for u guys. Im sure it was hard but it also sounds like u made the best of it as well. U r correct Derek has many friends, who could help but not to like Derek he just had an electric personality that pulled u in. It is weird to think that it has been a year, but I know he is so proud of you and all your accomplishments. You could have given up, but u didn't, that's shows what a strong person u r. Hang in there and I will continue to pray for u and the boys. Love u guys very much.
ReplyDeleteThank You sweetie for posting this for us ALL!!! Again, Very will said, Coni!!!! I'm so glad you & the boys spent the day with a lot of friends & family that love you ALL!!! We will always miss him, but you have done such a GREAT job taking care of yourself & the boys, with all that you have had to deal with, in this last year, & again, we know that Derek would be so proud of you & the boys, because you chose to go on & "KEEP ON KEEPING ON", "ONE DAY AT A TIME", & keeping the boys & you, as happy as you could without D., because you know, that is what D. would want you to do. I started & ended my day ( July the 2nd )with a Prayer for you & the boys & had you all on my heart & in my thoughts throughout the day. May God Bless You ALL & Derek's memory FOREVER!!! As always, Never ending Love & Prayers!! S.W.G.L.
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