This is something I came across while cleaning up my computer, I wrote this 12 days after loosing Derek last year, pain was so raw, physically, mentally and emotionally but wanted to share... Finding a lot of files today and even a video from him...
WHY..
July 14, 2011
Where do I start and what do I say.
I have only just lost you and the pain is hard to bear. You
were my everything and my life and I just don’t know where to go from here.
It is hard to think that I have to go through life knowing
your not here
Please someone explain to me why you had to go are there any
reasons I really need to know. I sit here and remember all the lovely times we
shared, the talks the laughter of every one you cared
I am told the pain will ease in time and I will think of you
without a tear but that will be impossible as I need to have you here
You were my very world and my strength when I needed you.
I know I have to get better and heal for your boys but it is
so impossible for me to understand how to even do that.
Ethan missing his night tickles and you swim and cannon
balls. Garret misses the man he looked up to for everything. How can I ever
help them understand if I can’t
Everytime I close my eyes I see your beautiful smiling face
and the man I loved and I can’t imagine not seeing you walk in the kitchen
every morning and give me your amazing morning hugs. I miss your arms around me
so much that the pain is unbearable.
Baby so many people loved you….
I promise you that I will be strong and take it day by day
because I know you are in heaven looking over me. I promise to raise our boys
like we always talked about and tell them daily how much you loved them.
You deserved so much more time with them and I will never
understand why God decided it was your time.
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