Monday, November 19, 2012 Memories...

I'm sitting in the basement watching the boys play football on the XBox360. Don't spend much time down here, last year I couldn't walk down the stairs at this time and since then I'm just trying to find the comfort zone for down here like I have the rest of the house. As I sit here so much hits me. Ethan sits and holds the remote just like his dad, on the end the couch with his elbow on his knees while holding the remote. It amazes me the little things they do like Derek without even realizing they do. I look at the couch where Derek and I sat so many times and played keep away with the boys with the football, we use to laugh at them so much playing that game. I look over and see the picture of Derek and Garret when he was 6 months, Derek went and got their picture taken for my first Mother's Day, I love that picture. I remember all the Christmas mornings we spent down here, we would stay up the night before wrapping gifts down here which Derek hated but still helped over a glass of wine, it would always end up to be one of our favorite nights as we made sure Christmas was extra special for our boys. He would always put the video camera up every Christmas and video that morning, still haven't been able to watch those videos yet. In time I will. Just looking at the walls that just the two of us spent many days and nights down here painting so we didn't have to pay someone to do it. Every time we finished a wall or part of the ceiling one of us would say never again. It was a huge project. But before that we spent a week insulating the walls and ceilings and that was funny to say the least. A lot of work down here but all of memories. It's still hard to believe all we have is memories. I mean I have memories of other things in my life but this part I didn't get a choice in, it is overwhelming what we have lost. But I will cherish my memories for that is what I have and I will cherish our two boys for everything they are, a mix of their daddy and me.