We are doing pretty good most days, boys have found their laugh and smiles again and are enjoying life. They still miss their daddy every day but it doesn't seem to totally consume them as much. They let theirselves be kids and have fun, I love to see it. But at the same time it is a reality of how it is going to be. They still bring their daddy up, probably not as much as they use to but it is still talked about daily in our house. I guess as we go on and make more new memories and live, they will start talking about all the new memories and not as much the old ones. I still make it a point to sit and talk to them about the old. I don't want them to forget anything but I never want them to feel guilty for living and making new memories. Their daddy will always be a part of them and in their heart. He would be so proud of the and how they have grown. Ethan is a true little turkey, a big mix of Derek's personality and mine. He has his daddy's little silly things and my hard head and will to not back down. Garret is also a mix of us but in different ways. He is an amazing little man, he is determined to take care of anything that comes up, he is becoming an amazing individual who is determined to do anything he puts his mind to and teach himself anything his daddy is not here to show him. They are amazing little boys who make me smile every day even on the hard ones.
As far as mom goes, well I'm doing what I have to, taking care of all three of us. Been a little bumpy lately with things but still pushing forward. My brain is on overload and my heart hurts every day but I continue to keep going and trying to figure out what my life is supposed to be. Which is not easy, hard to know what your life looks like and have it ripped out from under you. Now I have no idea what it will look like tomorrow, next month or next year guess I never really did know. I use to not care and live for the day, and that is what I'm working to get back to. Live for today, can't live in the past because it will not change and can't live in the future because its not here yet. Cherish each day and what you have. I'm reading a book that is trying to teach me to do this more but it is still a struggle. I learn new things about myself every day. I also learn new things about people and life everyday, sometimes you want to believe in people so much that it isn't possible. Some people in this world just struggle with happiness and living for today and I still do but I refuse to let it control me, I will keep going and be okay. Today is all we are guaranteed and we should try and cherish it, don't let the past or what might happen or not happen in the future control today.
It is weird to sit back and watch everyone get on with their life, nothing wrong with it because that is what we have to do but its just weird.
No comments:
Post a Comment