Thursday, August 9, 2012 Handling things...

Well it was the boys first day of school, they did great we got out the door with no problems and no stress of yelling. It was a bittersweet moment. When I looked at them this morning I remember last year laying in a hospital bed in my bedroom crying, hurting and wondering how I was going to live this life as they went off to school for the first day. But yet here we are a year later. But yet the other part of me was so sad because here was yet another chapter that we were starting without Derek here, that missing piece is always so painful for us all. But we continue to live as Derek would want us to.
I made some decisions today to not let things affect me so deep, I still have a few things to figure out but I've decided to have faith in some things and people for a change and see what happens. Having faith is hard for me, I struggle in faith in people, faith in this world and faith in God.
I added yet another widow to my group of friends, I want it to stop, nobody should ever have to lose there soul mate like we have. And yet there is another mother burying her child tomorrow at age 21 that I went to high school with. I know I will never understand some things no matter how hard I try.
Yet in the end today I feel good and I ended my day very good for myself. I can truly say it was one of my better nights, it is a feeling that I like to feel that I'm going to be okay. Still have more roads on this journey but I'm getting stronger as I go.