Wow what a day, it started out rough with Derek on my mind and me doubting everything around me and wanting to run so fast away from all the pain. Run till it stopped hurting so bad, like that could actually happen. But it was what I call a bump in this road, I have these moments often and I pick myself up, dust off and keep going. That is exactly what I did, I enjoyed the rest of my day at work and late afternoon with friends. But then in a second it all comes crashing down when I know that I can't fix this pain for my boys. Ethan is struggling some right now, he is sleeping with me and worried about me so much. It pains me like nothing else that my babies have to deal with this and there is nothing I can do to take it away for them. They both have been doing pretty good but like me they have days that just are rough and it all gets to you. Guess we'll always have those days and we just have to get through them and continue to move forward.
But it pains me the most to not fix it all for them, I can't do anything but love them and put wonderful family and friends in their life. I know they are strong and I know in the end we have to be okay but it is never easy to see you children hurt and not be able to fix it for them.
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