Keep wondering when every little thing will be easier, I am so tired of hurting and feeling so many ups and downs. I have had a good week, I started the week with a new look at my healing process that I knew I needed and it has been good. I am getting stronger on my own two feet and it has felt good this week. But it's all the decisions I had to make to do that and push people away that I lean on so much. It's hard you love your family and friends but at some point to have to realize and be okay with yourself and know that in the end you will be okay being alone. Don't like it and don't want to be on my own the rest of my life and I love my family and friends, wouldn't be here without them and I know they will always be there but there is a part of me that has to know that I can handle anything myself, mentally, physically and emotionally. Probably sounds dumb to most people but if you've been here you understand. I mean I had my life, we had our life planned, I knew that I never had to worry about anyone else being there because Derek would always be and maybe that is selfish but as much as we loved our family and friends, it was us. We NEVER imagined this could happen to us and I will NEVER understand why and what God's plan is when we hurt so bad. Derek had so much to give and he was taken way to soon from us. I know that I will never hurt like this ever again but it makes me so scared to feel or trust things in this world. Just a little bumpy, teary start to my Friday morning but I will be okay! Just a bump in the road!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment