After... Wow what a day full of so many emotions but in the end we made it and it was an amazing day. I was determined to make it about Ethan alone and not let him focus on Derek not being there. I think he did an amazing job. Morning started off well and I enjoyed some one on one time to talk and hang out. We eat at Bob Evans like he requested with Lorrain, Ralph, Rhonda and Peyton then headed to church. I will say it was very hard walking up to Southeast and walking into the foyer to see that Chapel door. It was only the second time being in that place since Derek's funeral and it was hard to breathe. I just tried to keep my eyes off that door but the pain was so much but I refused to let it mess up Ethan's day so we hurried onto where we were going. Once we were back in the back we sat and talked for a while. Ethan amazes me with his great personality and how funny he can be. He was asking me questions and we had a good talk. He explained again why he wanted to be baptized at Southeast and how he felt about the entire thing. He was really excited. He looked up at me right before and said "I'm finally getting baptized mom" I'm so proud of him and how he took his time to wait until he felt he was ready to do it and made it about his relationship with God. It amazes me everyday the faith they have in God after everything they have been through, I guess in a way it doesn't because they have their daddies faith. I only wish it was that easy for us adults, but of course we over think everything and make things worse doing that.
Derek's Guy that he loved to hear sing did a solo before the baptism which was just prefect. Then sitting during the service looking around that place it is a bittersweet thing there. So many memories of Easter Pageants, I could see each place we sat at every one and I could see the three different spots that we would sit at during the years we attended there side by side. He always held my hand even if we were frustrated about something, that was the place where it didn't matter in the end. There are some good but painful memories there and I am happy to have those even know they still hurt. But I know that with our new journey and path that we can continue making good and happy memories and he will watch over us and guide us.
Then we went out to the farm for lunch and some fishing. Within about an hour of fishing Ethan caught the biggest fish yet for the boys. It was 42 lbs. and he was so excited. He looked up and said "it's my baptism present" It took him a good 10 minutes to reel and let the fish get tired and then Lonny another 15 minutes to keep it close. It was amazing seeing his smile on his face.
The light is starting to come back in their eyes, it will NEVER be the same light Derek put in them but it is a light that I have faith that Derek has something to do with now. When I do pray these days I beg Derek and God to help our boys, make this better for them and let them have peace. It breaks me every day to think that they have to grow up without Derek physically by their side but they will always know he is there.
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