Monday, September 3, 2012 Getting it out...

Why does life have to be such a struggle???? Had a good day Sunday after I took a run and cried it out in the morning. Enjoyed the game and all my friends. Really good day!!! But yet here I am on Monday morning and I can't get everything settled in my head and heart. This journey is one in its own and I am so tired of trying to fight all this crap in my head and life everyday. I will continue to do it but every time I feel I got the hang of it then it punches me in the gut. Two morning in a roll in tears, what the hell!!!!
It's so hard to express what I feel and think deep inside because nobody understands. If I tell people what I think and feel they don't get it or think I'm not healing or doing okay. I am healing and doing okay but that doesn't mean it's easy every moment. It's a struggle on not feeling lost and empty all the time. I have so many great people in my life but me on my own feet and this lost empty feeling that I fight really sucks. Just really sick of this feeling that I can't explain in words to anyone expect my friends in the same boat and even at that I have a hard time opening up.
A friend told me last night that I seem to talk pretty good but I explained the deep stuff doesn't come out good. I can give you the how I do it day to day any time but to scratch under the surface well not many people get to go there not even on this blog. Really just a struggle I am having lately with I guess this stage. I need to regroup I guess. Must be something in the air because my friend in Richmond is struggling with things right now too, guess it is nice to have someone who gets it but wish we didn't have this in common.
Life is a struggle away and just need to slow down and enjoy every day but hard some times. UGH!!!!