Wow been a while not sure why besides trying to live life and surviving teenagers. Ethan broke his necklace the other day and it was one that was yours. So I found what I needed and put it back together piece by piece, my patience's normally doesn’t do good with things like that but it’s those little things like that are about all I can do to help them be close to you. Life is still hard, don’t get me wrong most days we are good we have learned and want to live but some days it still hits me in the gut.
Nothing is ever what it was supposed to be and some of those things I’ve learned are part of it and ok. I have loved again and learned to live this life. Then there are things like parenting that is not what it was supposed to be, nothing we talked about is easy to parent as it’s all me trying to do my best with two teenagers. I try I really do but I fail some days probably more then I even realized that I fail. I know I can’t give up but some days it’s a lot to push forward. This is one of those things where it would be completely different if you were here. I try to not let my anger get the best of me but sometimes it’s hard. I give in too much as I don’t want them to hurt anymore then they do without you. You were always the strong hard one and I was easier, we talked about what we would do and we balanced it out with parenting but now its balancing it in myself. Because as much as Wayne, Kim or anyone tries it’s not you, their dad to push them and to demand of them and for me to lighten the load, back you and the roughness like we always did. I don’t demand enough as it hurts and I don’t want to push them away. It not easy to parent without you.
Every bump I hit I wish and maybe it is like this necklace putting it back one piece at a time. Just seems overwhelming and hard some days
Our boys are good boys and it’s not at all they are bad it’s the little things that hit hard sometime like today.
