I watched my oldest today having a fun time with his friends, laughing, dancing and just enjoying life. I can’t say enough how proud of our boys I am, they both make me proud. I sat there on the ride back and G was half asleep with the boat moving and sun shining and I couldn’t help but fight the tears thinking now much I wish Derek could see them at this point. How much I wish they could each sit down and just have one conversation with their dad at this age. It hurts for Derek to miss out on that and our boys to miss that as I know how much Derek wanted to be a father and couldn’t wait for this stage of their life.
As most days I push past the tears and go about the day to try and help our young men grow into good humans and not focus on the pain and loss we feel daily. It’s not always easy and it’s always right under the skin but each day it’s a choice to move forward and try to life the best life we can. I know the only reason I manage to do that is because God has me, I may not always show it as I still have days I get angry and sad but I know and have to have faith that God has us.
