I miss feeling like everything was okay and was always going to be okay. I never doubted I could handle anything because I guess we didn't realize so much could touch us. I miss that good feeling that warms my soul. I miss my family and friends, don't get me wrong I still see most of them but it is never the same, there is a missing sad piece that hangs there. I miss the relationship and the friendships that have changed because of this horrible accident. I have gained some good friends since the accident but I still miss the friends that I have lost, not really lost but it changes every relationship you have without you even knowing because of the sadness and pain it brings. There are some friendship that hurt to the soul because they aren't a part of my life like they use to be because of the pain we share of losing Derek. What I miss most of all is sharing my babies with their daddy and feeling like they were going to have a wonderful life. They still will but they now know how painful life can be and I will never understand why God decided not to save their daddy. I know God didn't cause the accident and all that crap but he also didn't save my love that day. And I know I can't start down that road again but lately I have been so mad at God for the pain in my children's life. I will never get answers to my questions and I've have stopped asking but somedays they knock on the door in my head and make me question so much.
We will be okay, because I know that we have to be and I keep smiling and finding this new path on our journey and we will be strong for ourselves, each other and Derek.
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