Not always an easy thing to stay on a good calm path, this journey is full of waves of grief and feelings of all kind. It effects every thought, feeling and thing you do the rest of your life. That can sometimes be a good effect or a bad effect. I miss the feeling that everything would always be okay, that imaginary world that we all live in until the loss of someone close to us happens and complete crushes everything you ever believed in and thought could never touch you. It's a profound feeling of instability like nothing will ever be stable anymore and with time it passes a little but still comes on from time to time. You no longer know what stable is but you find your way and a new outlook and with a lot of praying God helps you find your way. He bring people into your life to help you learn, love and live is this new normal that you have been handed.
The waves come at different times and I can never tell when they will come or go! It's like when you watch the waves on the beach. You can see them roll in and with each wave it take some of the sand and makes it fresh. With my grief the waves do leave healing and a fresh feeling that is was a stage I had to go through but I always wonder if the waves will ever slow or stop. I don't think they will and I am okay with that, I will deal as they come and know that is where God and Derek are to comfort me along this journey.
I try to remember in these times to learn what I can and let myself feel it, rather it is sad, anger or whatever. You have to let yourself feel to get through it. I've had better days but I've also seen a lot worse. I don't have everything I want but I do have what I need to live a good life. I have to remember even when I wake up with some aches and pains rather be emotionally or physically that
I woke up. I am here for a reason and my life is far from prefect but I am very blessed.
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